At times, introverts can seem selfish because of their tendency to spend time on their own and think carefully before joining groups or trends. But introversion does not mean selfishness.
Introverts tend to live in their own world. Selfish people don’t care about others. The tendency to live in your own world has nothing to do with being inconsiderate of others.
Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts.
Jonathan Rauch
Introversion in a nutshell
Where do you tend to direct your psychic energy toward? In simple terms — do you predominantly focus on the inner world or the external world?
Psychology defines the former as introversion and the latter as extroversion. It’s not black and white, by the way. It’s a spectrum.
The words “introvert” and “extroverts” merely indicate which side of the spectrum one tends to lean toward, usually and in most situations.
Alright, so, to be introverted means to be focused on the inner world. What does this imply, and why is this often mistaken for selfishness?
One who is introverted often does not see things as they are, but rather see their own impressions of things. In this sense, introversion is subjective rather than objective.
Introverts are known for being slower. This is because they think slower. This is because their perception of the world has to go through their inner world first.
You can see how such a personality type can be mistaken for selfishness: introverts are not as likely to blindly accept things around them; there is always a filter, a subjective factor.
Introversion vs selfishness
Sure, some people are very introverted and very selfish. I’ve met a few myself. But that’s a bit like saying that some people are extroverted and like, say, the color purple.
Though one could argue that introverts are, because of their unconscious nature, slightly more likely to act selfishly, in general there is zero correlation between the two things.
To understand the difference between introversion and selfishness, we first have to look at the definition of both.
- Introversion is defined as the tendency to focus your energy and attention on the inner world, e.g. the images and ideas in your mind
- Selfishness is defined as the tendency to act and think only to your advantage, especially in a way that disregards other people’s feelings
To put it as simply as possible:
Introverts tend to live in their own world. Selfish people don’t care about others. The tendency to live in your own world has nothing to do with being inconsiderate of others.
Why introverts can appear selfish
1. “No, thanks”
It’s pretty much guaranteed that on average you are more likely to hear these two words from an introvert, not an extrovert.
Introverts are concerned with their own thoughts and ideas and this means they tend to think independently.
In turn, this means they think carefully before e.g. joining a group, following a trend, doing what others do. Many introverts are, in this sense, nonconformists.
Some people believe this is selfish, or even dangerous. But independence isn’t selfishness; not following the crowd isn’t fighting against it.
2. Solitude
This is another common misconception. Some assume that those who enjoy their own company are arrogant or have some kind of superiority complex.
After all, why would one spend time in solitude instead of being around others? Doesn’t it imply selfishness, arrogance? Not at all.
Introverts like to spend time on their own purely because they have such a rich inner world that they are almost never bored; they don’t crave external stimuli all the time.
They also find silence and solitude relaxing; they spend time on their own to rest and recharge, particularly after social interactions (including spontaneous ones).
3. Independence
Introverts like to be independent financially, emotionally, spiritually… and socially. Again, it’s not selfishness but independence.
Herd mentality, going with the crowd, generally accepted rules and ideas — these would usually appeal to extroverts rather than introverts.
But do introverts think on their own because they are selfish? Nope — they simply “do their thing”, what’s right for them, regardless of others but not at the expense of others.
That would define an asocial or antisocial personality disorder — not introversion per se!
4. Privacy
Sharing is caring. Social media. Letting the world know every single one of your thoughts. No, thank you.
Introverts don’t feel the need to share everything about their personal life, and this should never be interpreted as selfish behavior.
And it’s not like introverts never share and never give. It’s just that they are not comfortable doing that with most people.
Which leads us to the final reason…
5. Affection
Person A and person B both love and appreciate you deeply. Person A hugs you and praises you enthusiastically. Person B looks at you, smiles warmly, and doesn’t say anything.
Does it make any difference? It does, but not in terms of what the other person feels for you.
I have found this to be one of the most difficult yet most important psychological skills in life — to look beyond, to never judge a book by its cover.
It’s not to say that person B’s behavior (in the example above) is always acceptable. But if you ever thought introverts were selfish for not expressing affection the way extroverts do, please think again.
Introverts are nice people
There is a something wrong with these statements:
“Introversion is defined as the tendency to focus your energy and attention on the inner world, e.g. the images and ideas in your mind.” (which is also an advantage to you)
“Selfishness is defined as the tendency to act and think only to your advantage, especially in a way that disregards other people’s feelings.” (when you are in your inner state you will disregard other peoples feelings.)
>> which also means that you are into your inner world that you can’t focus on others so you are selfish as you can only think of yourself in this moment when others may need you.
If you say that you rather prefer to be by yourself because other people’s energy tire you out, that is more acceptable as an introvert, but in an emergency situation, you are able to heed the need of others, even in your introverted state. That is more acceptable as an introvert.
There’s some fair points here but, my god is this littered with contradictions.
Sarah Homes already mentioned some and the aspect of introverts being “independent” thinkers is another that’s questionable. A majority of people are either ISTJ’s or ISFJ’s which are basically the people who will blindly follow orders without thinking first.
For anyone not aware, the “I” in those acronyms stands for INTROVERTED and I would hardly call that an “independent thinker”.
If this was your attempt to give people a better impression of yourself (and other introverts) then I think you might want to go back and rethink a lot of this.
Hi, definitely not trying to give a better impression of myself or anyone else. Introverts are not better than extroverts; extroverts are not better than introverts. Different personality types function/behave in different ways, that’s about it.
Sometimes those who lean toward the introverted side may come off as aloof or selfish, but that doesn’t necessarily reflect their nature — that’s more or less the point of the article. Some introverts are selfish just like some extroverts are selfish.
I agree that true independent thinking is rare and should not be ascribed to the introverted type in general, but it seems to me that on average introverts are more likely to value independence and questions things, which again could be interpreted as selfishness even though it’s not.
ISTJ and ISFJ types do seem to be relatively common (about 9-14 percent of the population, each) but I’m not sure how that would be a majority. Perhaps you meant sensing types, as opposed to intuitive ones (roughly 70/30)?