- Narcissists hate vulnerability, solitude, and anything that can make them look bad or “not as good as”
- In relationships, narcissists hate being ignored as well as not being able to play with others’ emotions (not being in control)
They are very good at manipulating and taking advantage of others. And their lack of empathy makes them look like no emotion can touch them.
That’s actually far from the truth. Because in reality narcissists are vulnerable too, and yes, there are things/situations that will drive them crazy.
This post lists seventeen examples.
This isn’t meant to trigger feelings of empathy or compassion. It’s simply a reminder that narcissists wouldn’t do what they do if they truly loved themselves.
Any type of psychological pain inflicted on others can only be the reflection of pain that’s self-inflicted. In the narcissist’s view of the world, love (including love for the Self) doesn’t really exist.
2. Being ignored
Very few people feed off attention as much as narcissists do. Being consumed by the demon of superiority and having to appear better than anyone else, narcissists need attention.
Being ignored equals failure. Most importantly, being ignored means their tactics won’t be as effective — if they ever decide to use their tactics in the first place.
Those with narcissistic personality disorder crave attention to the point where they’ll try and attract negative attention as a last resort. However, criticism is different.
When narcissists are criticized in ways they don’t expect or anticipate (and are unable to respond), this can make their already fragile ego crumble.
4. Your sense of humor
Humor helps us take life less seriously. It also helps us connect and empathize as human beings, and makes the dark days brighter and the good days even better.
Empathy, connection, positivity… do you think that would ever resonate with narcissists? Exactly. This is why narcissists don’t have a sense of humor and don’t really “get” humor.
5. Your silence
As long as you need their love and approval, they will be in control. But what happens if suddenly you decide to live your own life and end all contact?
Narcissists are known for using stonewalling or even ghosting to make their victims emotionally vulnerable, but if it’s the victim doing that, then essentially they are powerless.
6. Your self-esteem
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. And you don’t need to walk around with a neon sign that says that — all you need is a healthy self-esteem.
Narcissists hate people who have learned to be their own source of approval, who have learned that they are worthy of love no matter what… because it’s pretty hard to manipulate them.
7. Emotional detachment
Toxic emotions are like hooks — narcissists use them to catch you and drag you, and keep you stuck in their world made of endless lies and drama.
But what if you are emotionally detached? What if you have zero interest in what they think of you? At that point, they are, again, powerless. And they hate that.
8. The word “no”
It goes a long way when dealing with narcissists. That’s not to say that the narcissist will automatically give up, but that’s the first step in getting rid of them.
They may react, play victim, or even beg you. But at the end of the day, you are in control, so if you refuse to play their game, that’s really bad news for them.
9. Being vulnerable
Why do people with narcissistic personality disorder love being in control so much? We find the answer in their deepest fear — vulnerability.
They are terrified of being vulnerable. They believe people around them must be constantly monitored, controlled, and manipulated like puppets otherwise they would be a threat.
Similarly, narcissists can’t really accept any form of authority because it implies their power/freedom is limited.
Not to mention the fact that the narcissist’s extreme selfishness and the concept of moral values can’t really coexist. If the narcissist does have values, they’ll be a way of justifying their tactics, nothing more.
11. Successful people
Without a solid foundation of inner peace and self-worth you are stuck in the vicious cycle of comparison. You won’t look at your own life, but other people’s.
This seems to be a common theme with narcissists which means they’ll usually have strong negative feelings toward people who excel at what they do or who appear to be better than them.
Narcissists can’t feel whole and complete in themselves, so they constantly need to take advantage of others to feel good about themselves.
In solitude, the narcissist can only look within and that’s a scary place for them, so instead they turn their attention outward.
13. Lack of control
Remember? “Unless I control others, they will be a threat to me” — that’s more or less what goes on in the mind of the narcissist.
So when they find themselves in situations where they are unable to assert power over others or control others, they absolutely hate that and will find ways to walk away.
14. Having to apologize
Vulnerability is what makes us human. And beautiful. And the word “sorry” is an excellent way to embrace that healthy vulnerability in all areas of your life.
Well, that’s not something narcissists can do. They hate having to apologize because it threatens their sense of superiority and self-importance.
Future faking, lies, deception, manipulation, brainwashing… is there anything narcissists do that’s genuine?
If you believe their lies, that’s the first step toward being manipulated. If you detach and take time to think, that’s the first step to freedom. And they hate that.
16. Being defeated
It’s very hard for narcissists to imagine a “win-win situation”. They see everything as a zero-sum game in which they must win and the other person must lose.
So naturally, when they do lose (whatever their definition of loss or defeat may be), well, they absolutely hate that.
17. Blogs like this one
And hopefully it doesn’t sound like self-promotion. Jokes aside, the more you learn about the narcissist’s psychology — what drives them, how they behave and why, who they tend to target…
The more you’ll be immune to their insidious tactics. Theoretically, any of us could fall prey to narcissists, but in practice we see that people with healthy self-worth and awareness tend to naturally escape them.
Things narcissists hate: final thoughts
I’ve already said it countless times in previous posts, and I’ll say it one more time: don’t play games with narcissists.
The list above should simply give you an idea of the type of behavior that won’t allow them to manipulate you or make you emotionally vulnerable.
Never try to upset them on purpose — that will give them your precious attention, your energy. Instead, learn to simply ignore them or walk away.
Playing games is their thing — prioritize your happiness instead.