If you are tired of explaining yourself, learn to be okay with being misunderstood, and to keep things to yourself. Also, ask yourself why you feel the need to always explain yourself — does it stem from guilt, false responsibility, unhealthy self-importance?
Ultimately, you have the right to stop explaining yourself (and stop expecting others to fully understand you).
Because your time is valuable. Because your energy is limited and it can’t be wasted on those who are not meant for you.
This doesn’t mean avoiding communication. It means being aware of your true nature, and knowing that only a few will be able to feel it and understand it.
In fact, if you yourself are able to understand it, and own it, consider yourself lucky — such self-awareness is rare.
Explaining yourself to others
First of all, who is it that you are trying to explain yourself to? Not all strangers are friends. Not all friends are close friends.
If your aim is to be appreciated — let alone understood — by everyone around you, disappointment will be inevitable.
Those who truly care about you will make the effort to at least try and understand you, and if they can’t, it won’t matter.
As the quote says: be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Be who you are. And say what you feel… when appropriate. Because there is absolutely no point in sharing things that cannot be understood by others.
Most people who are “tired of explaining themselves” are actually extroverts, not introverts.
Whereas the average introvert will be fine with just keeping things to themselves, extroverts tend to be very outspoken.
Nothing wrong with that. But be aware that if you tend to always share your thoughts and ideas, that will make you a bit more vulnerable.
Most importantly, let go of the idea of everyone else’s approval, or even consideration for that matter. Not all strangers are friends, not all friends are close friends.
Explaining yourself in relationships
Things are different when it comes to relationships, especially long-term ones.
Are you reading this page because you are in a relationship, and you are tired of explaining everything you do and think to your partner?
My advice would be to look at the relationship itself and ask: is this conditional or unconditional love?
Suppose your partner doesn’t understand a certain side of you, yet it’s okay and it doesn’t matter, and it does not affect your feelings for each other.
This is an example of unconditional love because each of you has acknowledged that you are different yet in harmony with each other, and there is nothing to “fix”.
By contrast, if what you do, or worse, what you are, has to be explained otherwise X, then yours might be a conditional relationship.
No perfect relationship will ever exist. No one will ever understand you completely. No partner will ever be “just like you”.
What we should be looking for, and working toward, is the type of relationship that is unconditional and this implies effort from both sides.
Are you the one doing all the work? Are you the one who is tired of explaining everything? Are you being criticized without having ever criticized?
If you are tired of explaining yourself…
1. Be okay with being misunderstood
It’s not your responsibility to make others understand you. Most importantly, others don’t have to understand you.
Yes, it’s frustrating. Yes, some people will keep asking questions, or they will be mean to you. That’s just life.
Surrender to that. Don’t fight. Look at reality as objectively as possible. Be okay with being misunderstood from time to time because it really is okay.
2. Let go of unnecessary guilt
What if the root cause of having to explain yourself came from yourself? In other words, what if it was your own need, not other people’s?
Do you ever struggle with false guilt or false responsibilities? Do you value and respect yourself enough to not care what others think of you?
Do you ever find yourself explaining what you do and why because you think you have to? If so, wouldn’t it be easier to be your own source of validation and appreciation?
3. Learn to keep things to yourself
Being a private person has advantages. I’m an introvert and I tend to keep things to myself (and then open up and talk for hours to “compensate”, I guess, but only with those I fully trust).
So, it’s easy for me. It may not be easy for you. But you can learn to be a bit more quiet and not always get involved. It really is a habit.
And when others are a bit intrusive and ask questions, you can choose how to respond. For example, you can talk in a way that is deliberately vague and brief.
4. Be okay with not fitting in
Being misunderstood, underappreciated and underestimated can be the coolest thing in the world. Know that.
As long as you are being honest with yourself and true to yourself, and as long as you are being unique spontaneously and not for the sake of being different, that’s awesome.
If you are tired of explaining yourself, perhaps you can wear it as a badge of honor. Not fitting in can be awesome.
5. Pretend you are not important
You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You don’t need to be understood by anyone who isn’t important to you. It’s that simple.
If you always explain yourself to others, is it because of self-importance? Note that while self-worth is essential, self-importance is often a weakness and not a strength.
Pretend that you are not important, that your ideas or even your reputation don’t really matter. It’s liberating — it liberates you from having to control what others think of you.
