To be unoffendable, let go of the false responsibility to react to everything. Take life — and yourself — less seriously, and be okay with having weaknesses or imperfections. Unoffendable people value their time too much to cultivate anger or resentment.
Now, here’s a question — what do you think is the best reaction to provocations, insults, mean words, or just plain stupidity that happens to be totally annoying?
The answer is none. No reaction at all. Consider the following:
- Actions come from your heart; when you act, your energy is directed toward the things that you want.
- Reactions come from others; when you react, your energy is directed toward things that don’t concern you.
Be unoffendable — be in control
This is the great paradox — we believe that by trying to control everything that happens to us (including people’s behavior and opinion of us) we will be in control.
But more often than not, the opposite is true — we find emotional stability and, in general, happiness and peace of mind, once we learn to let go, forgive, and forget.
A rock doesn’t care if the wind blows or if the waves crash on it. It stands still; it does not move. Those who are strong don’t move and don’t react unless it’s an absolute necessity.
How to be unoffendable
1. Let go of automatisms
We react to unimportant events in our life because of our primordial (or primal) brain as well as automatisms — behaviors repeated for so long we no longer question them.
We see everyone around us react to things and assume we should do the same and that it’s our responsibility to get angry and try to control people’s behavior.
Breaking news — most of the time it’s not your responsibility. Which means you don’t have to react. It’s the strong urge to react that makes you weak, not stillness and presence.
2. Take life less seriously
Lack of awareness. Stupidity. Bad manners. Hatred. Quite a few people still fall into these traps. In fact, if you are completely honest with yourself, you’ll find that nobody’s perfect and that includes you.
And this is unlikely to change anytime soon. So why take life and the world so seriously? Wouldn’t it be more sensible to simply accept it as it is — the good bits, the bad bits?
At that point, stupidity and meanness won’t be as irritating. It’s impossible to be completely detached emotionally (and you shouldn’t be), but the simple act of taking things less seriously makes a big difference.
3. Take yourself less seriously
Being able to do what I’ve described above is relatively easy — but can you do that with yourself? Can you look inside and say to yourself that you are not important, that you don’t matter?
Naturally, this goes against logic and perhaps our own self-esteem as well. However, taking yourself less seriously doesn’t mean that you are nothing. You must be something, after all.
The key, again, is a healthy balance. Be proud of your ideas and of who you are but don’t attach excessive importance to it. If it’s not important, it doesn’t need to be protected at all costs; therefore there is no need to react.
4. Don’t be afraid
Typically, anger and resentment stem from fear. Fear stems from the feeling of being exposed, vulnerable, or threatened. Ask: when you are offended, what is it that’s at risk?
Is it your reputation, your values? Is it physical things? Most importantly, are your thoughts and feelings accurate? Are these things actually at stake, and if they are, is it that big of a deal?
Think of animals. They rarely display anger unless they feel their territory, food, etc. is being threatened. That’s not to say you are an animal. It’s just that parts of our brain still interpret things too literally and then trigger survival instincts.
5. Be perfectly imperfect
You are a human being. You are not perfect and yet your imperfection is, in a way, perfect. Whole, complete in itself. You have strengths and weaknesses and there is nothing wrong with it.
And you are enough. Why is it important to understand this? Because besides having a good level of self-worth, knowing that you are enough makes you a lot less vulnerable.
If you never have to hide anything about yourself, does it really matter if someone points at it? If someone criticizes imperfections that you have accepted, do you really have to prove them wrong?
6. Be above everyone else
Not in the sense that you are better, or superior — as that can lead to arrogance. Being above others simply means that you are not involved or affected in any way.
Those who are easily offended will say that those who offend them are less, not as good as, worse than, etc. This is a trap because essentially they are comparing themselves to others.
To be truly unoffendable means to detach, and to understand that those who offend you on purpose have nothing to do with you. In fact, 99 percent of the time those who offend you don’t even know you.
7. Value your time/energy
How often do people post false information about entrepreneurs, celebrities, politicians, and famous people in general? I’m talking about posts that could easily hurt their reputation.
Why is it that the victims never take legal action unless in extreme cases? Because they know their time is precious and cannot afford to waste it just because some fool edited a picture or spread a rumor.
The seventh and final tip to be unoffendable is to be fully aware that you have priorities in life, and fighting against silly people (or mean people, for that matter) isn’t one of them.