It’s not who you are.

It’s where you are. And what you do, and when you do it.

We’ve all felt broken, imperfect, incomplete at some point in our life.

Some of us more than once; some feel broken continuously and eventually it becomes their self-image.

Some have learnt to identify with their problems — and that’s what their problem is. They can’t go beyond that limiting idea that says it’s about them.

Keep reading…

YOU are not the problem, here’s why

Fundamentally, everything you do and experience in life is determined by these three things:

  • Your environment (where you live/work, the people you spend time with, the opportunities around you)
  • Your habits (things you do every day, on autopilot, that no longer require mental effort or willpower)
  • Your way of thinking (your mindset, the way you choose to look at yourself and the world around you)

By the way, your environment could have been carefully chosen by you, or simply be determined by good or bad luck.

In a way, this may be true for habits and mindset as well — if you grew up in the wrong environment, perhaps you unconsciously learned the wrong habits too.

So yes, circumstances and luck do play a role. I’m not suggesting free will is absolute. That’s not the point of this post. The point is, it’s about these three things.

Is your environment the problem?

When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

Alexander Den Heijer

Can’t turn into the person you are meant to become, no matter how hard you try? Perhaps it’s time to move.

Not only do you want to choose the best environment for your goals, to stack the deck in your favor — it’s hard to change when others see you as the old you.

When those around you have no preconceptions that you are this or that, it’s much easier to behave like a brand new person.

Are your habits the problem?

If your habits don’t line up with your dream, then you need to either change your habits or change your dreams.

John C. Maxwell

Perhaps you are not doing what you’re supposed to do, and you think the reason is, it would be too difficult, and you’re too lazy or don’t have enough energy.

However, it’s usually not about the task itself. Brushing your teeth, driving, reading — these are actually very complicated tasks. But because you’ve done it thousands of times, they’re automatic.

Anything becomes easy once it’s a habit. Change your habits to change your energy levels, and your energy levels will make it easier to change your habits.

How do you change your energy levels? By taking care of your health. Don’t fix “yourself” — fix your sleep, what you eat and when you eat it, and your mental health. Speaking of which… 

Is your mindset the problem?

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.

Alice Walker

The third thing you may want to fix is your ability to choose. Specifically, how you choose to see the world and everything that’s in it.

That’s all it boils down to — choice. By the way, you can turn this into a habit, too. Consciously and constantly ask yourself, how do I choose to see this event/thought/feeling?

Your self-esteem is the perfect example. Though it certainly depends on many factors, you can instantly improve your self-esteem by changing the way you look at yourself. That is a choice.

When it comes to your problems, how do you look at them? Do you see them as a curse, or a sign you may need to rethink something in your life? Do you give your problems excessive importance? Again, it’s a choice.

You are not your problems

So don’t identify with them. In other words, never ever think that the problem is you (or vice versa).

And if the thought ever pops up in your mind, ignore it. Go beyond it and ask yourself where the problem is — is it your environment, habits, outlook?

As long as you identify with a certain issue, you are powerless. If the issue is you, then how could you possibly get rid of… yourself?

By contrast, if the issue is external or depends on external causes (it always does, once you think about it), then you can certainly change or get rid of them.

Three practical examples:

  • You think you have “no willpower”; by realizing that willpower is mostly determined by our environment and habits, e.g. diet and sleep and removing any unnecessary/harmful distractions, you then work to fix them, not yourself
  • You think the world is a “scary place”; by realizing that there is no absolute truth, you then adopt the outlook that is most useful and positive, such as “I am safe”, or “I am strong enough to deal with anything”; you fix your outlook, not yourself
  • You don’t have what you want in your life; by realizing that the thing is out there, somewhere — be it a job opportunity, a partner, new friends, etc. — then all you have to do is move i.e. change your environment; you fix where you are, not who you are

“You are not the problem” quotes

You are not broken. You are not a problem to be solved. Solving your “problem”, whatever you perceive your problem or problems to be, is not the key to happiness.

Golda Poretsky

After hard work, the biggest determinant is being in the right place at the right time.

Michael Bloomberg

One small crack does not mean you are broken; it means that you were put to the test and you didn’t fall apart.

Linda Poindexter

Stop trying to “fix” yourself; you are not broken. You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure

Steve Maraboli

You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. But you won’t discover this until you are willing to stop banging your head against the wall of shaming and caging and fearing yourself.

Geneen Roth

When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.

Alexander Den Heijer

To be successful, you don’t have to change who you are, you have to become more of who you are.

Sally Hogshead

If your habits don’t line up with your dream, then you need to either change your habits or change your dreams.

John C. Maxwell

Maybe the reason nothing seems to be “fixing” you is because you’re not broken. Let today be the day you stop living within the confines of how others define or judge you. You have a unique beauty and purpose; live accordingly.

Steve Maraboli

The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.

Alice Walker

It’s being in the right place at the right time and taking advantage of your opportunities.

Lee Majors

You cannot change in the same environment where you got sick.

Unknown

We are not what happened to us, we are what we wish to become.

Carl Jung

You are not a problem that needs solving.

Eckhart Tolle